Tuesday, November 08, 2005

That Sinking Feeling

Traditionally or historically, a pirate ship has been an important part of an adventure story. A hero's overseas journey is never complete without a pirate attack. As the clock strikes the midnight, the watchman in the bird's nest of the ship yells, "Ahoy, pirate ship! Right Ahead"[1]. Barring the exception of Asterix and Obelix[2], the boat people are generally frightened and a bit irritated.

If it is in a movie, the co-passengers would rather have a quiet sleep than to disturb the hero's valiant fight (answering his sweetheart's call (or an SMS) of SoS). After all everything is going to be sweet in the end, then why take trouble of fighting!

The pirates must be half blind. Half blind in this context means, blind at one eye. They must wear outlandish (or out"sea"ish"?) clothes. A parrot is the only pet allowed on a pirate ship. And of course, not all pirate-parrots are equal. Captain's parrot has to give orders to other parrots, and other parrots in their turn must follow the organisational hierarchy. The fight must start with small cannons, and highly undisciplined shrieks to confuse the target. Finally, (again, barring the exception of Asterix's case) the pirate ship must bang into the target and using a ladder in horizontal orientation, the pirates must cross over to the target ship.

Then with hand-made pistols and age-old rifles, the fight must continue. By this time the hero must be wide awake and must have loaded his guns and located his in-trouble sweetheart's location. [3] The fight must be made interesting. To this effect, the hero must come up with outrageous comments and mono/dialogues. Or rather the scriptwriter must help him with that. After running around the ship in the troubled waters, the hero must save his own ship and sink the pirate-ship.

That's the way it should be done.

Only yesterday, I came across a news item in The Hindu. It covered a pirate attack on a merchant ship. [4] Apparently, the pirate clan has also improved its looting technologies over the years. This time around, they started off with a rocket launched from the pirate ship. The article was brief, and obviously, it did not cover the real action.

What the tech-world has come to!
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Bibliography [5]
[1] In accordance with "Iceberg! Right Ahead", the midnight call usually ends with a anything, right ahead yell.
[2] Refer to any of the Asterix and Obelix Adventures, the lousy pirates never learn from their previous experiences and in every adventure, bang right into Asterix's ship. Perhaps every time the pirate ship sinks, the memory of the pirates is washed away too.
[3] Watch movie "The Mummy" for a visual display of such skills.
[4] The author regrets non-availability of this particular news item on the Web.
[5] This Bibliography is not really a bibliography per se. It is more of a notes section.

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